Scrap Brain Zone

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I, Amnesic God,

As amnesic Gods, let us gravitate together yet divided, igniting rainstorms turning all good things to rust.
The thunderbolts are just for show, even though the caustic wake of our mistakes isn't enough to make us do just that,

Wake.

Just like clouds, it's time to reform, dissipate, relocate.

Sail me to the Moon

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I am very much infatuated with a girl that, to my knowledge, I have absolutely no chance with. I've just dismissed any and every thing I've felt over and over again, in response to my own lack of confidence dealing with possible outcomes, whether negative or positive. I seem to have a persisting feeling of general depression and lethargy regarding most everything in my life. As of yesterday, I fell into an overwhelming sense of apathy concerning it all.

Now, certain things come easy. It all coincides with apathy. If something happens, it happens. Who am I to be so lucky.


The dog days of the Summer,
Have got me ten to one outnumbered.
It seems like everybody up left and they may never come back.
Shadow that I'm standing on is still here,
And sometimes that's all that I can ask.

Sukiyaki Artigiano Django

I just got word that I'm working at the Hornby location for the next 3-4 weeks. I'm sorta excited because they're the busiest cafe in the world, so being on bar will be fun, though at the same time I'm super sad that I won't be working with me coworkers at my location.

I just want my own cafe already... The experience at Hornby will be worth it.

The greater majority of my coworkers are very touchy. Growing up, and being with my click of friends, having touchy body language was never part of communication in any way. In fact it was just considered weird throughout my life up until now, and now it's normal. I still am shocked when people just hug or give massages to each other all the time... Especially when it's done to me, I still have this weird deer in the headlights reaction, where it's just so foreign and unexpected that I don't know how to react. With everyone else though it's just everyday body language. I blame my non-touchyness on my parents, family, and being in a relationship for so long.

I'm not complaining or anything, just saying.

Though, sometimes it's confusing...

The Boney King of Nowhere

This is exactly what I feel like right now:

In pitch dark I go walking in your landscape.
Broken branches trip me as I speak.
Just because you feel it doesn't mean it's there...
Just because you feel it doesn't mean it's there.

There's always a siren,
Singing you to shipwreck.
(Don't reach out, don't reach out
Don't reach out, don't reach out)

Steer away from these rocks,
We'd be a walking disaster.
(Don't reach out, don't reach out
Don't reach out, don't reach out)

Just because you feel it doesn't mean it's there...
(There's someone on your shoulder)
(There's someone on your shoulder)

Just because you feel it doesn't mean it's there...
(There's someone on your shoulder)
(There's someone on your shoulder)

There there!

Why so green and lonely?

Heaven sent you to me.

We are accidents,
Waiting, waiting to happen.

We are accidents,
Waiting, waiting to happen.

Song: There There
Artist: Radiohead
Album: Hail to the Thief (2003)

Minute or Two

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I glanced at your necklace,
Cause somethin' caught my eye.
Now I'm running and I'm scared.

Got me thinkin' something.
You got me thinkin' hard.
Did you want attention?
Did you want me lookin' at your heart?

Lights have started flashing.
The land began to humn.
Either running or dancing....

I need a minute.
Minute, or two.

I don't see you much.
Can I see clearly?
Through the haze where two collide?
Got me thinkin' something.
You got me thinkin' hard.
You want my attention?
Did you want me lookin' at your heart?

Two minutes thought through.
Two minutes of you.

Max out the volume, then, play it louder.

I've reaffiliated myself with really goddamn loud music. I'm glad I bought Bose. Ever since I moved in with Brian I've not played my music really loud, out of respect for my building-mates. Took me until today to think... Fuck 'em.

World's too complicated these days. Nobody has interest in just listening to music together. Alone all the time, but not together... I guess there's just too many other things to do with company? If I were to just ask someone, "Hey, wanna listen to this album I just got?", it'd be weird or... Something. Other than a girlfriend-boyfriend scenario, no one would really be interested. Goddamnit, I just wanna chill and listen to music.

Only person since I moved to Van to ever want to just listen to music, nothing else, just hang out and sit through a few albums, was Erin.

Good way to find new music too. Music at Erin's is where I got the album that's breaking my brain as I type this, which is Orchestra of Bubbles, by Ellen Allien & Apparat.


This also brings me to a more pressing matter, I need a bloody girlfriend. And I got someone in mind...

Neh.

Lock myself in with the band, but the music's never loud enough.

MICROSOFT, YOU BETCH.

What the FUCK is wrong with Microsoft?

Xbox 360 is the leading console in NA, yet they have a 100% fail rate.

THAT'S RIGHT, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT.
Q: What kind of piece of shit company would manufacture a product that WILL defect?
A: The kind that can.

Literally, NO ONE who has purchased an Xbox 360 has had it work flawlessly, at least not for over a year. I've not heard of a single soul. In fact, I was the only one anyone has ever known who's 360 worked fine for over one year. I've had it since 2007, and it worked amazing until yesterday, almost 2 years exactly. It was even an open box item.

The worst part is, I'm going to go buy another Xbox 360. Yeah! That's right! Another one, so in a year or maybe less, it one can break itself too! And I'll rage again! What's even worse than that, there's only one title I play on the goddamn system worth playing, and that's CoD4:MW. The next game that should be playable on the system is it's successor, Modern Warfare 2. I have a feeling that will bomb too, since no one knows how to make good games anymore.. Refer to Noob Effect.

Game over.

Sealed the Dealio

Just got back from Scandia Developments, where I had a final talk with their secretary Genie and my new Landlord Torben. I signed the lease for that place on Granville and Broadway, so I'll be moving in September 1st!

I also just realized there's a BC Liquor half a block away from my new place!

Torben is a neat and very friendly old Danish man. Way back in the day he bought out all the property on Granville Street from 5th Avenue to 16th Avenue, and has ever since only rented out his buildings to stores related to art and/or antiques. Of course, he lost or sold a lot of the property along the way, but this guy owns half of Granville still.

The Noob Effect

Over time it seems many people have forgotten the most important ingredient to a good gaming experience; the good game. And by 'Game', I'm not referring to shader effects, high polygon counts, compelling story(Or any other of the irrelevant nonsense I don't give a submarining fuck about), I mean the actual game play, the part where you control stuff, then have it interact with other stuff, and then your brain generates FUN. If I wanted a compelling story, I'd read a book. There's only a few million of them already in existence, the majority of which are written by people who's talents compare to the best video game writers the same way Kobe Bryant's penis might compare to that of a poorly endowed titmouse. If enduring 90 minutes of CGI cut scenes dubbed with pornography grade voice acting sounds exciting to you, I suggest you immediately navigate your web-browser to your neighborhood torrent site and start downloading something called a 'Movie'. Any of them will do really, because apparently you're very easily satisfied.

Perhaps I'm romanticizing the past here, but I remember a time when most games were about being challenge to explore new game play mechanics, about learning and solving new puzzles, about improving your skills against all types of adversaries, and about feeling proud of your accomplishments. Now the mostly shiny particle effected vessels guiding any soccer-mom caliber gamer through a generic third grade level story where anyone with a brain the size of a steroid shrunk testicle can pretend to be a HERO, and maintain a fantasy of not sucking balls at video games!

"But I need a reason for what I'm doing, motivation for my character, a back story!"

Would you really need a back story to play Donkey Kong, you twat? How about football? or poker? If the process of of playing a game isn't fun for you, well maybe you're not a GAMER?? Of course, not to sound unappreciative of all my free kills in CoD4, but lately I've become rather miffed at the notion that this overwhelming number of noobs has negatively influences the direction of video game design for ever. Instead of humanity pursuing the development of the next chess, we have an endless supply of 8 hour long interactive B-movie experiences, at 60 dollars a pop, with unimaginatively reskinned sequels announced exactly 3 seconds after the current product is launched.

Congratulations noobs, you've effectively raised an army of consumer gaming zombies who conveniently seem to lack not only artistic standards, but aposable thumbs. I'd be inclined to look the other way and ignore the thumbless zombie parade, but these bungling poor sports have the audacity to hate on GOOD gamers. The gamers who play games for GAME PLAY. And so we're subjected to the endless abuse of idiotic whiners.

"Fag", "Hacker", "Imbalabance!".

But the truth is, the only imbalance is coming from your underdeveloped inner ear, you uncoordinated ball of gay! I'm truly sorry you got your clumsy ass kicked around in gym class like a hacky sack in the 1980s, but that's no reason to be a bitch while I'm kicking your virtual ass in Super Smash Brothers Brawl(Button Masher?). And even more infuriating than the consumer zombie noobs, are the ones whose jobs involve playing video games and then critiquing them for mass public consumption. These champions of mob mentality shouldn't bother me since I've grown rather accustomed to unqualified nitwits performing undeserved jobs, accept within gaming media circles(IGN, 1UP), being a noob is some kind of fucking prerequisite. I know going through life with the lack of a pin script must be frustrating, but calling a three hour single player experience the height of game design, and comparing the dialog in GTA4 to that of the Godfather is nothing less than ABSOLUTELY RETARDED.

Here's the unpleasant truth; You're teachers lied to you when they said that anyone, even you, could become an astronaut. Some people are just naturally better at certain things than others(Indeed). There's something called talent. No matter how hard I try I'll never paint a Mona Lisa, or invent the quantum computer. No matter how hard you try you'll never finish Contra without cheating. Many people have a genuine desire to challenge themselves to be better. This does not make them alien or cruel, and certainly not "Fags". It just makes them good gamers. It's no reason to resent them. So the next times you think you can beat the GOOD gamers if "I just played as much as them", think again; All the basketball training in the world won't help your pudgy 5 foot ass into the NBA, just like all the Star Craft training in the world couldn't prevent Pok Sun Joon from sticking his golden mouse up your ass.

If I'm not badass yet, I will be.

I decided that once my income grows to where it should be, I'm putting a payment on a bike, and fulfilling my dream of owning a crotch rocket.

This may just be my first bike.

250CC seems like a good start. I was considering the city-friendly 125CC Honda 125R but, I'd just get bored of that too fast as my friend Marius pointed out.

Movin' on out, movin' on up!

The last few weeks I've taken interest in an incredible apartment located on the corner of Granville and Broadway. The place is massive! Two bedrooms, two stories, two bathrooms, two balconies, safe location, on the third floor, for 1550 a month. One of my bestest friends Jon will be cohabiting with me. We just finished a viewing and applying earlier today, with high hopes of success.

The lady who we went about the viewing with seemed to take a liking to us, and told us we were first on the list. She even went as far as sarcastically gesturing that we have stiff competition with the other group that applied to her on the spot. They were a group of 3 for a 2 bedroom apartment, and some of them unemployed. No go for them! Jon and I would have a combined household income of well over 70000 dollars, as well as great references.

In all likely-hood, we will get the place, and if we do, we will have the ultimate geek hovel. Together we have two big screen 1080p high definition TVs, two non-high definition, every video game system, and 4 computers.

Because the apartment was previously inhabited by some friends of mine who are leaving the country, we are inheriting a bunch of brand new furniture, and even a full set of pots and pans, cups, and various other bonuses.

Deal is just too good.

I should hear back from the landlords tomorrow concerning our application.

Now, my biggest problem is my current habitation. When I moved in with Brian we agreed we'd do a "trial" living situation, then decide 3-4 months down the road whether or not we're well suited as roommates. While his intentions and concerns are purely well intended, the age gape and different lifestyles are very apparent. At the end of last month we had a small talk, which came to the conclusion that at the beginning of August we would decide what would happen for the month of September; which would be deciding whether or not I should be moving out or not. I don't think he'll take any offense to the decision I've made, but I think he'll be surprised that I'll be the one making it, and not him.

My largest concern is the small chance that I do not succeed in obtaining the new apartment. In which case it'll be really hard to find and move by September. This is the reason I need to hear back from the Landlords of the new apartment by tomorrow, so that I can talk to Brian tomorrow night about it.

I hope everything goes well!

Blame it all on the Structures of the Sun

It's ridiculously hot out.

So, I once had a really close friend. His name was Ben.

Ben and I used to be so tight, that I considered him a brother. Due to some juvenile shit, we stopped talking.

Basically, the story goes, Ben and I become best friends in high school. After high school we decide maybe we should live together. Many people asked me to move in with them, and I had to make a decision... For convenience, I moved in with my friend Kris. At the time too, Ben was getting on peoples' nerves.. He was kinda cocky and loud. I remember while I was trying to find a place, I stayed at Jon's house for a while. He was in Scotland, and I had just begun working at a Tech Support agency for HP, so I lived with his mom in his absence. Ben asked me to see if Jon's mom would let him stay there too, but she had hated Ben for reasons of her own, and immediately said no. He was pretty upset at me for not trying harder to help him. This was the first time Ben and I stopped talking for a while. Then, one day we ran into each other back in Hope. We both apologized immediately for acting so stupid and became friends again. Then, as time moved forward, it became apparent that Ben was into my girlfriend of 1 year. This I didn't like and I slowly started to stop talking to him over it... At this point in time, almost all of my friends except me hated Ben for whichever reason. Jeff, Jason, Jon, Chris, Kris, Caitlin, all didn't like him being around. The last straw for me was when Caitlin told me Ben approached her saying he really liked her, told her that I was overall a bad friend, that our relationship was soon to turn sour, and that she should go with him and not me. He tried to steal my girlfriend! I just decided to cut off contact with him, and began to hate him for it; Though really, I hated the fact that our friendship was ruined by stupid shit, and that I couldn't even talk to the guy who was closer to me than most all of my actual siblings, and that it was my own fault.

I've left a lot of the story out, but that's the jist of it.

Since he tried to take the girlfriend of the time, I haven't even spoke to him. I've seen him at FNM tournaments a few times, but that was it, never a word between us.

Thing is, months back I realized a few things. The first was that I was angry at him for trying to get with Caitlin.. But really, she's an incredible girl. Were he dating her, and I the friend, I probably would have done the same thing... As bad as it is to say. So after all this, I can't and won't even hold it against him. The second is that I need to apologize to him, for being such a bad friend at certain intervals of our friendship. There's no reason for any of it. Because everyone else despised him in one way or another, it was easy for me to just do the same, even when I knew I could never actually hate Ben.

He was at times a complete and utter fag; Loud, obnoxious, confrontational, arrogant, annoying; I was just the same. I think now that we're older and more mature, that it would be worth it to talk out this shit. We're not juveniles anymore.

Since my break up with Caitlin in Winter, I've been hovering over sending him an email, just to give a bit of an apology, and see what's going on in his life. We've grown apart for more than a year and a half at this point.

Before I move on, I must tell of what happened to me late 2008 and early 2009.

In the Fall of 2008, I got really depressed. I wasn't doing well at all and barely every wanted to leave my room. Moving into Winter, Caitlin and I broke up, and I hit an all-time low. It was this time though, where I did a lot of thinking, and since then I've changed quite a bit, realizing that I wasn't being who I wanted to be. During January I picked myself up.

I went to sleep reasonably early, and woke up with the sun, everyday. I made a healthy breakfast, grabbed a book and read at a coffee shop every morning. During the afternoons I'd go all about the city applying for jobs, and adventuring. It didn't matter that I was alone at this point, and it was actually refreshing in a way.

It was because of this small new lease on life, that I realized all of my conflict with Ben was irrelevant.

During early 2009, a ran into him every so often in Chilliwack, due to FNM, but I was too afraid to say anything to him. I was positive that he never wanted to talk to me still, so I failed to act. Same thing with emailing him, I've kinda wanted to since January, but always failed to meet the confidence level to do so.

Anyways, let's get to the present day.

Today was fucking hot out. I went out with Jon for a while, and on my way back I decided to stop in the Blockbuster beside my apartment to rent an old martial arts movie, and cool down.

I walked in, turned the corner to go upstairs, and in front of me stood Ben.

What the Hell are the Chances?

We exchanged greetings, and talked for a little bit. He just moved to Richmond, and is currently looking for a job. He said he'd Facebook me, so I guess we'll probably end up exchanging a few words there. I sorta hope to be able to talk to him again in person.

One thing though, is that even now, most of my friends still despise Ben. I can't even fathom the reactions they'd give me after reading this, or if I were to become friends with him again. I remember while talking about Ben I told Jason that I want to talk to Ben again, that it's all just bullshit we should all put behind us. Haven't told anyone else though, but now things are very apparant.

It'd be hard to understand for a few people, that I don't and never could sincerely hate Ben. The fact is, I considered him family. I would go home from school and he would already be in my basement, waiting. He was the only friend I had that would just walk into my house. My parents didn't care, they wanted him to feel like it was his home too, telling him to help himself to food whenever.. Even if I wasn't home, haha. He was a better and closer brother to me(Let alone friend), than my actual brothers(And actual friends), and that I can't forget.

For all of my actions to him, I am regretful. And I hope to make amends.

Oh, If only I was a 16th century Japanese man!

I love movies about marital arts, and/or East Asian war-lore. Samurai flics are some of my favorite. Akira Kurosawa is my homeboy.

I just finished watching Shintaro Katsu's 2004 Samurai picture, Zatoichi.

I was expecting little from it at first, but I mean, it's about a blind Samurai... C'mon! I had to get it! It turned out to be quite a surprise too, it was really enjoyable to watch. The special effects that replaced the gore were pretty poor for even 2004's standards, but it was easily disregarded in light of how awesome everything else was. The music was something else too... They used a lot of synthesizers, and simple percussion instruments. There were scenes were farmers in a field, at least 5 them, and all in different places, were striking and dragging they're farm equipment along the ground during their work; All in perfect synch with the music. It was intelligently done.

At the end there was even this really weird tap dancing scene, where everyone who didn't get sleyed during the movie danced around in celebration... It was like at the end of an Indian movie where they all do that silly ass dance(Ex. Slumdog Millionaire).

After this though I'm in dire need of the movie Yojimbo. I've yet to finish it. I'm real partial to the whole "Mysterious stranger", or "Man with no name" stock character movies too...

I'd buy Akira Kurosawa's work, but it's so damned expensive. Yojimbo, and Seven Samurai are regularly $50-$80.

Speaking of Yojimbo, Takashi Miike's 2008 spaghetti-western Sukiyaki Western Django is highly recommended, if you're a fan of either spaghetti-westerns, or Akira Kurasawa, or just shoot 'em up movies with swords. It's in collaboration with Quentin Tarantino, and is a definite hit among most cult-classic circles. It feels like they took Tarantino, Kurosawa, and the Cohen Brothers, and mixed them all together, then told them they had to make one movie out of two separate screenplays... One being a western movie, the other being a samurai movie; but they had to keep the story of each intact. It's madness.

Over them all though, I still have to say... Hero Starring Jet Li is still my favorite Martial Arts related movie. It's just incredible.

I's so sweaty and tired I can't think, let alone write.
So nighty-night.

Dear Aces,

_
If you read this, you now know I am upset that I cannot comment on your flickr.

Shoots and Ladders (TL;DR)

Up on the ladder,
I try and call out your name.
Up on the ladder,
You're all the fucking same.

I work for Caffe Artigiano, one of many in a chain of Vancouver based cafes. In fact, I am currently the stand-in(And to-be full fledged), General Manager to one. The cafes themselves are on the more prestigious and "Upper class", albeit sometimes pretentious, side of the coffee industry. It's known world wide for exceptional coffee quality, and customer experience.

I was hired early February. I undertook two weeks of initial training, where I stood out as a quick learner, an amiable coworker, and a leader. At the end of that first two weeks, I was chosen to be First Manager, the position with the most the most opportunity to grow and advance within the business.

I was transfered temperarily to another location, on Hornby Street, still in Vancouver, where I undertook intensified training; Learning to set the Espresso, expand my pallet, run an incredibly busy bar, and perfect the morning routine, including weekly inventory.

The Hornby location of Caffe Artigiano is one of the highest grossing cafes in the world. I won't tell you how much they make, but for a cafe, it's a ridiculous amount of money. The business volume there is uncanny. Once finished at Hornby, returning to "My" cafe was hard, as it grosses less than a quarter of Hornby. Working in the slower cafe though, allowed more room to focus on the business aspect of running a cafe, and this is where my problem begins.

My entire training up until this point was done with Kyle S., who is an incredibly advanced Barista, and General Manager to a Caffe Artigiano. Once back at my location, I went under the tutelage of a fellow named Shawn, to learn the intricacies of running a business.

He knows what he's doing and he does his job quite well, though he's somewhat forgetfull(Forgetting to give me access to information I really need). My problem is that after months of training and growing within the company, with the well known aim being to run my own Caffe Artigiano, I have a small sense that I'm being lied to.

First of all, I'm just going to say it, my cafe is not making all that much money. This is due to being very new, in an area where traditional-style and top-notch coffee is a completely unheardof, and thus new experience to all. Because of this, raises for employees are hard to come by. I manage this cafe. After the first week of training I was bumped to $12/hr. I was promised a raise once I became full fledged First Manager. Well, I've been that for a while. My "Raise" came all right. What I thought was going to be a increase in income and switchover to Salary, turned out to be only the latter. I now make 26 000 a year(This translates into a higher number, and is just base earnings). Sure, I have full benefits, but for running a cafe, I am not being payed enough. Every single other First Manager is making at least 28 000 a year.

Oh, and did I mention, I'm to be the General Manager of the next Caffe Artigiano to open in Vancouver? Yeah. Shawn's told people this, including telling me. At my last staff meeting, Shawn said and I quote, "We have much potential in our Managers with all our cafes, and this cafe will be the first to produce a new Caffe Manager." Somehow I'm starting to doubt this, just by how I've been treated, or should I say, by how I'm neglected.

Secondly, Shawn is now on vacation. I'm running this cafe on my own. The customers love me, my staff and I get along incredibly, and everything runs smoothly, in fact, people like it better when I'm managing than when Shawn is managing. There are things though that I'm simply left in the dark about. I feel like I'm not taken seriously. Emails are never returned, necessary information left out, favors unfulfilled. Some things I've just never been informed about. I've had little to no communication with anyone outside my cafe, or to any superiors, since Shawn left. It's frustrating because as adept and as resourceful as I may be, I'm new to running a cafe, and I have to be provided with answers when needed. Especially now. Feels like I'm not being taken seriously.

Thirdly, very simply put, I am bored and unchallenged with my job now. Business is easy to handle, and in fact just tedious when I don't have anyone to communicate with concerning it. There's no challenge left in running bar, and I'm unrivaled in latte art. The ONLY reason I can still find any enjoyment in that place is because I work with some amazing, likeminded individuals, who I'm glad to call friends(Meeting people ain't all that easy in this city).

Fourthly, being a chain, there's a chain of command, hierarchy that basically rules with an iron fist. There's no creative control in the cafes, even though customer relations and experience are directly effected by location, architechture, and atmosphere(Music, furniture, lighting etc.). They should not expect a cafe on West Broadway to operate in exactly the same fashion as a cafe in the downtown business core, down to a tee. Different building architecture and customer base are just a start. Things like Music could drastically change. I have had countless people make formal complaints against our music. Countless people point out how empty and tacky our cafe feels. Too bad I have zero creative control over these type of aspects, and thus no ability to please customers, who we've most likely now lossed, Mostly to places that don't play shit music, and have internet access.

Now, I'm bored and depressed over my job. Unchallenged and unfulfilled. Underpayed and underappreciated. I'm just hoping if I keep down this road, what has been said for my future will come true.

Waiting for answers,
Give me a sign.
I've been climbing up this ladder,
Have I been wasting my fucking time?

Slip into Epiphany

_
Get myself together.
I let the rain in, I let myself out.
Another trumpet,
The sky's a speaker.
The rain soaks in, deep within.
Like blood it flows along my bones.
Slip into epiphany,
Where down is up,
And skies vermillion,
In a sweet summer haze.
Off my lips it rolls.
Words of will, words of pain,
Fall to the Earth.
The words like rain.

Slipping into epiphany,
Down is up and up is out.
Like rain, like words,
Make home in the Earth.
Within, without.

RIP PSP SRSLY

I went and purchased what is probably THE BEST FUCKING GAME on PSP, Monster Hunter Freedom Unite, and during the necessary updates involved to play the fucking game, my PSP's UMD drive dies. I can't load any UMDs at all.

What the fuck is this shit? Motherfuckin' Sony. They make you update Firmware versions constantly for THEIR OWN PROTECTION, but all it does is severely limit what you can do with your PSP.

YOUR PSP.

Jesus Christ.

I checked similar problems online, and sure enough, I'm just fucked. Now, to play this fucking game, I have to get a new Series over 9000 PSP.

I call some motherfucking Shananigans on Sony.

Bitch, WHAT

I'm back up in this shit.

Haven't blogged in AGES.
& I've deleted or hid all previous posts.

Aight,

I got nothin' real to say right now that isn't about coffee or about a girl, which means I ain't saying shit, 'cause it's either uninteresting or tl;dr.

PEACE.